happy birthday mom

Today would have been my Mom's 61st birthday. Happy Birthday Mom, wherever you happen to be haunting right now!! I joke but my Mom and I discussed this before she died, that she could and would come back to haunt me. We just couldn't come up with a sign- so she could totally be haunting me and I am just not getting the messages! Typical!

I debated not posting about this, I kind of feel like Debby Downer when I talk about it- I mentioned to a friend how I am tired of my grief, so I can imagine other people would be as well. And believe me, I am totally not offended if people truly are. I am that girl- the girl who can't stop talking about her dead Mom! I mean, if she were alive would I talk about her as much? The reality is that yes I would. My Mom was so cool and had such a big heart. She loved peppermint patties and inappropriate commercials and reading Dean Koontz and Stephen King and non-fiction books about people driven to the brink. She had a sharp wit and a big laugh and loved re-living memories of her own Mom, my Nana, who died when my Mom was a young Mom herself. I somehow knew that I was to live the life my Mom lived- grieving while parenting, my whole life. Like, when she would talk about my Nana, I would be almost preparing for it, like- 'take notes, sister- this is totally gonna be you' How I knew this is anybody's guess. The one good thing about that whole scenario is that my Mom talked about her Mom so much that I felt like I knew her too. Talking about someone who died in my family is just the norm- it's as if they are still here, just not chiming in all the time, so you kind of get free reign over what to talk about, all the time. It was like that with my Mom during her last few years, actually! She was on a ventilator, she had a trach and couldn't speak. Oddly enough I am rather skilled at reading lips- so much so that I could understand her without even looking at her at times. Yes, that is true! My sisters and aunt would turn to me, like, HUH? And I would translate. 'Mom said I am her favorite, so don't bother.' Well, she WANTED to say that. :)
So here it is, her birthday, and I thought I would spend the day doing something for the house, her house, that she loved so much. I re-painted the foyer, and will post before and afters once it's done, it already looks AMAZING! I may just get kicked out of Connecticut because I painted unpainted wood trim which is like a freaking felony here. Come arrest me! It looks KILLER!!
And the slide show is for her. Of Jack and Georgie, her little namesake who looks freakishly like my Mom. She has her same blue eyes and spicy personality... I had them totally rolling around in Jack's yard (our neighbor) a la our child hood days! It feels good to carry on the tradition of taking pictures on our crazy porch of my 'little ones.' Thanks for reading my rambling! I love you Mom!